There are plenty of amazing things about summer. Many kids value the temporary freedom from a regimented schedule and responsibilities, and parents have the opportunity to enjoy extra family time and warm weather. Without the natural boundaries of the school day, kids tend to have more free time at home. As a children’s therapist, I talk to parents every week who feel guilty about letting their kids use devices, or exhausted by the constant tech battles. To help give you some hope: screens can also have a regulating effect for households. Even for myself as a parent, I feel the positive impact of getting to chill on my phone or play a video game for 30 minutes after a busy day of family time… your kids probably feel that way too!
A peaceful summer with screens doesn’t mean total deprivation. By setting intentional boundaries, you can protect your child’s emotional wellness, make transitions smoother, and keep your sanity.
1. Establish a predictable routine
Everyone thrives on predictability. When screen time is open-ended and inconsistent, it enables worrying and approximately one million questions (give or take) from your kids about when they can use a screen.
Having a set schedule for screens every day can be a lifesaver. For example: screen time always happens between 2:00 PM and 3:30 PM. When children know exactly when to expect their screen time, their brains can relax during the rest of the day. It redirects the internal anxiety of wondering if they will miss out on screens to knowing they have a set time for access. This also helps parents answer those million questions by saying “wait until two” or “we’ve already had screen time today”. Once the routine becomes consistent, the clock will answer those questions for you.
2. Allow for transition time
You can almost guarantee a meltdown by shutting off a screen suddenly, even if kids know what time they are supposed to be done by. This is true for adults too… if I was in the middle of playing a video game and the power went out, I would at least feel irritated. Screens flood the brain with dopamine, and abruptly turning that off can feel like a shock.
To promote better transitions, make sure you give your kids a heads up when screen time is done:
- Give a 10-minute and a 5-minute warning. Sometimes a 1 or 2-minute warning can be helpful as well.
- Say their name before giving the warning, rather than just shouting “5 minutes left!”.
- Make physical contact or ask them to acknowledge the warning so you know it actually registered.
- Pair the end of screen time with something low-stress, like getting a snack, rather than jumping straight into a chore.
- Bonus tip: sometimes going up close and whispering the transition warning can be more effective than saying it loud. Socially, we are conditioned to be more intrigued by a whisper.
3. Sibling rules
If you have multiple children, uneven screen time can cause chaos. For instance, if Child A gets their tablet at 2:00 PM while Child B watches, and then they swap at 3:00 PM, but screen time ends at 3:30 PM, your house becomes a cycle of using, watching, waiting, and feeling unfair about screens.
For houses with siblings, have them all get screens at the exact same time. When the timer goes off, everyone powers down together. This creates a shared boundary, when one child adheres to the time limit, the other kids will absolutely be reminded that time is up.
To counter this, if one device is more desirable than the other, such as if the family shares a single video game system, it can be difficult to stagger screen time around everyone waiting for their turn. In these cases, it can help to have an established order. Going off the example of screen time being from 2:00 PM to 3:30 PM, you can say that Child A gets the first 45 minutes to use the preferred device, and Child B gets the second 45 minutes. Or, you may also allow them to rotate days, so each child gets a full hour and a half. Furthermore, encourage the child who does not currently have access to the preferred device to use another screen during that time. Sitting and watching their sibling do a preferred activity can be frustrating and cause further tension.
4. Is screen time a right or privilege?
This is ultimately a decision of how you want to parent and what values you would like to instill in your children. Sit down with your co-parent or support system and come to a firm consensus on the question: Is screen time an automatic part of the day, or is it a reward that can be taken away?
As a children’s therapist, I believe there is no single “right” answer here, but consistency is the most important aspect.
- If it’s automatic, it’s a baseline part of their day (like recess) that they can rely on, meaning you don’t use it as a bargaining chip.
- If it’s a privilege, clearly define the rules ahead of time (e.g., room must be clean, 30 minutes of reading done).
Whatever you choose, ensure all adults in the house are aligned. If parents aren’t on the same page, kids will quickly find ways to push back. Kids as young as 2 or 3 years-old can play the “but mom said” game, and you will find it exhausting to try and set rules that are not consistently followed.
5. Progress over perfection
Remember, summer is about connection and making great memories with your family. There will be rainy days or long car rides where the rules bend, and that is completely okay. By setting up this foundation early, you are giving your kids the boundaries they need to feel regulated and ready to enjoy their summer vacation!
