How to Play with Your Neurodivergent Child (and have FUN doing it!)
As a child therapist and a parent of two amazing Autistic young adults, I’ve been on both sides of the learning curve. I’ve spent years helping families navigate play, and yet, looking back, there are so many things I wish I had known when my kids were younger. I thought play had to look a certain way—neat, structured, and full of teachable moments. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. Play with Neurodivergent kids is beautifully unique, sometimes chaotic, often hilarious, and always meaningful.
If you’re here because you’re trying to figure out how to engage with your Autistic child in a way that doesn’t feel forced or frustrating, I’ve got you. Let’s talk about what play really looks like, what works, and what I wish someone had told me years ago.
1. Follow their lead
Your child’s version of play might look different from what you’re used to. Maybe they love lining up their toys in a perfect row instead of making them “talk” to each other. Maybe they repeat the same scene from Toy Story over and over. That’s okay! Join in! Line up those cars, be the perfect Woody to their Buzz or ask questions about why every dinosaur absolutely must be facing west. You’re showing them that their interests matter—and that you’re on their team.
2. Be ready to get flexible
Being flexible in play is key. Your child may suddenly change the entire game’s premise mid-play, and you’ll need to pivot right along with them. Maybe you thought you were playing “grocery store,” but now you’re a time-traveling astronaut chef gathering supplies for a moon colony. Or perhaps you were peacefully building with blocks, and now it’s a demolition derby. Roll with it. Being adaptable shows your child that their creativity and spontaneity are valued—and keeps the game fun for both of you.
You may also have to redefine what counts as “playing together.” Your child might want you to sit beside them while they monologue about different types of airplanes but not actually engage in traditional back-and-forth play. That’s still connection.
3. Repetition is life
If your child wants to play the same thing 52 times in a row, congratulations—you’ve unlocked the joy of Autistic play. Whether it’s rewatching the same YouTube video, reenacting the same Pokémon battle, or endlessly pressing the same button on a toy, repetition is how many Autistic kids learn, process, and find comfort. Resist the urge to change things up too soon. Lean into the experience and really try to connect in the moment. Just when you think you can’t handle one more round of “Guess what? Chicken butt!”, you’ll realize you’re actually having fun.
4. Ignore that label. Get toys that work for your child.
Don’t feel like you need to buy every toy out there. Many toys are marketed for specific developmental stages of typical children, but they may not be appropriate for your child’s unique needs. Play isn’t about teaching a child “how to play the right way.” Your child might spin the wheels of a car instead of rolling it, or throw blocks instead of stacking them. Encourage their joy and curiosity—play is about fun, not rules.
5. Support their superpowers
Every child has their own set of strengths—their “superpowers.” Maybe your child has incredible gross motor skills and can climb anything in sight. Maybe they’re a master builder, creating intricate LEGO structures for hours. Or maybe they know everything about dinosaurs, from the Triassic to the Cretaceous, and could teach a college course on it. Find games and activities that celebrate these strengths. Turn their dinosaur obsession into an exciting scavenger hunt or dino fact showdown. Use their love of movement for obstacle courses or dance-offs. Leaning into their strengths builds confidence and joy.
6. The best toy is you
Peek-a-boo, singing games, chase, “This Little Piggy”—these simple games are some of the best ways to connect with your child. They help build social skills, connection, and even anxiety management. Games with predictable patterns allow kids to experience a small, safe level of anxiety while learning how it will conclude safely—an important life skill.
7. Sensory play is powerful
For sensory-seeking kids, certain toys and activities can be essential. Climbers, tents, body socks, trampolines, spinning chairs, and swings can help regulate their sensory needs. Some children may need support in learning how to use these toys at first, but once they can use them independently, they should have access to them regularly. And yes, there’s a very good chance you’ll end up with a trampoline in your living room—embrace it.
8. There’s no such thing as a “wrong” toy
There are no “bad” toys when it comes to play. If it brings your child joy and helps them engage with the world, it’s a great toy. Focus on what works for your child, not what the label on the box suggests.
9. Take breaks (because you’ll need them)
Let’s be real—playing Endless Train Facts or Let’s Talk About Elevators Again for hours on end is exhausting. You are not a failure if you need a breather. Step away, grab a coffee, and tag in another adult if possible. Playing with your child should be fun, not a test of endurance. Give yourself grace.
10. Celebrate the connection
At the end of the day, playing with your child—however that looks—is about connection. Whether you’re deep in a world of dinosaurs, repeating knock-knock jokes for the hundredth time, or simply sitting next to them while they build, you’re showing them they are loved exactly as they are. And that’s the best kind of play there is.
So, take a deep breath, embrace the chaos, and remember: you’re doing an amazing job. Your child doesn’t need perfect playtime—they just need you.
